By Ann
When I was coming up the path, just as we turn to approach the zendo building, there is a chrysanthemum on the left-hand side. That was brought by Reverend Ito from Japan, and it continues to bloom.
This morning, when I stopped and looked at it, there was one little bud, just tiny, tiny, and you had to really look for it to see it. I was so grateful to see it because I didn’t know what I was going to talk about, as usual. I always do some prep work and some anxiety, and then try not to stick to a script, as it were.
So what I would like to share is a concept called the dichotomy of control. In Zen Buddhism, it’s demonstrated with the words jiriki tariki (自力他力), self-power and other-power, relying on one’s own effort versus trusting something beyond oneself. One side is the individual power, the work to be done, the effort. The other side is trusting something else.
I grew up Catholic and very much believed in the external God. As I’ve aged, I’ve more or less put that concept aside, that God was going to take care of me. I have to admit, at the same time, every once in a while when something is protecting me or I’m in stress, I’ll say, “God, please tell me what to do.”
The connection with the little bud is that as I’m aging and as I’m practicing, I am realizing that my own pattern, and this is different for different people, is to be much on the trusting side, without having a defined God. Instead of learning (and I struggle with this) but learning how to recognize that little bud that’s inside me that is attempting to bloom in the way that it needs to bloom. It’s not a dandelion, it’s not a mum, it’s not a rose. What is it?
For me, it’s my spiritual path to do the work and trust. I’ve had a couple of occasions in my life where I would set a goal and it didn’t come true. One time was that I was going to become a nun, and then all of a sudden I got married. How did that happen? My husband died later, and so I said, “Okay, when my kids are raised, I’m going to the convent.” I got married. I’m not saying that that was the path, but marriage was my path, and it was a demonstration of me thinking one thing, and the universe, or the spirit, or the self, whatever that is, had its own path for me to follow.
Another time was when I was working in management. I was an emotional support nurse, a position that I had asked for and created. The context was to work with patients who were in the acute hospital who were facing death, life, or changes, but to be with the person in a sense. I only did that job for about 18 months because the supervisor I had operated under management by objective. I’m not a good manager by objective. My purpose was to be with people and to be real, and you can’t necessarily quantify that. Now, I’m glad that she was a manager who operated that way; I’m not saying that was bad. I’m just saying it wasn’t a good fit.
So I guess what I’m saying to you is that in this valley of striving and accomplishing and setting goals, you take the time to see the bud that is within each of you, because it is there. You would not be here this morning if it were not there. Take time, honor it, and at the same time, get on with what you need to do, whatever it is that day.
