By Bob, shared by Ann
Bob has been attending Hakone Zendo for quite a long time. In July, his brother—who lived in Florida and took care of their 88-year-old mother—suffered a tragic accident and broke his neck. This meant Bob had to travel to Florida almost every weekend to help. Sadly, his brother recently passed away, and Bob is now caring for his mother.
During this deeply challenging ordeal, Bob sent me an email reflecting on his experience and how his practice supported him. I am sharing his exact words here with our community:
I had just read the following book prior to my brothers accident .The Five Invitations: Discovering What Death Can Teach Us About Living Fully
Book by Frank Ostaseski
While we all went through the times of hope, fear , despair, love and sadness of the month long experience of his and our ordeal I tried my best to practice to the best of my ability what I learned in order to be present for my brother and my family
Applying The Five Invitations directly to daily life—especially during challenging times, health crises, or periods of high stress—you can focus on small, intentional shifts in how you relate to your mind, body, and emotions.
1. Don’t Wait
• The Principle: Life is impermanent. Postponing peace, forgiveness, or love until “things get better” keeps you trapped in a future that never arrives.
• Daily Practice: Ask yourself each morning, “If today were my last day, what would I want to say or heal?” Do not wait for the perfect conditions to express gratitude, clear up a misunderstanding, or extend compassion to yourself.
2. Welcome Everything, Push Away Nothing
• The Principle: Resistance creates suffering. When you battle reality (such as physical pain, grief, or fear), you exhaust the energy you need for healing.
• Daily Practice: When a difficult emotion or physical sensation arises, pause and greet it. Mentally say, “Ah, anxiety, you are here too,” or “Pain, I see you.” By welcoming it into your awareness without immediately trying to fix or banish it, you change your relationship to the struggle.
3. Bring Your Whole Self to the Experience
• The Principle: Wholeness means bringing your absolute messiness—your fear, exhaustion, and anger—into the room, not just your strong, capable side.
• Daily Practice: Stop trying to be strong all the time. If you are feeling overwhelmed or fragile, acknowledge it honestly to yourself and those you trust. True resilience comes from vulnerability, not armor.
4. Find a Place to Rest in the Middle of Things
• The Principle: You do not need a quiet room to find peace. Rest is an internal sanctuary available right in the middle of chaos, a busy hospital room, or an intense day.
• Daily Practice: Use your breath as an anchor. In a moment of high anxiety, take three deliberate, slow breaths. Feel the weight of your body supported by the chair or the floor. This brings your nervous system back to the present moment, finding a pocket of stillness inside the noise.
5. Cultivate Don’t-Know Mind
• The Principle: An expert mind is closed; a beginner’s mind is open to all possibilities. Letting go of your assumptions about how things “should” turn out reduces panic.
• Daily Practice: When facing an uncertain future or a scary medical situation, catch yourself when your mind starts spinning worst-case scenarios. Gently tell yourself, “I don’t know how this will turn out, and that is okay.” Step into curiosity rather than control.
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