Hakone Zendo

By Meisam

I spent the last few days struggling, trying to come up with an interesting narrative for what I wanted to share today. Similar to how I struggled during last week’s long meditation session.
Eventually, I had to laugh at myself. Because I realized I was falling into the exact same trap for both: trying so hard to force a good outcome that I completely missed the reality in front of me.

I started meditation purely out of curiosity and not long ago. To my surprise, I often find a form of inner peace during meditation, but in unexpected places, like on the morning commuter bus when I am trapped in traffic.

Naturally, when I came to the long meditation session last week, I thought: “If 20 minutes of meditation on a bus in traffic can be such a positive experience, imagine what 2 to 3 hours of meditation at this garden can do.”

Well, last week’s long meditation was agonizing. I was distracted the whole time and unable to return from my thoughts. The harder I tried, the more thoughts rushed in. And that’s how the whole session went…
…except for the last 10 minutes or so…

During those last 10 minutes, I realized I needed to reverse a made-up rule named the “Deep Dish Pizza Theory”: When ordering Deep Dish Pizza, don’t overdo it. Order a small pizza, or share the pizza with others, so you are still hungry at the end, craving for more.” This rules carries to life too. When you are enjoying something, end it on a high note. Don’t drag it out. Don’t exhaust the magic.

Reversing that ruse, I told myself, “It is okay if the pizza you ordered is bad. It is okay to have a mediocre meditation session, even a frustrating or agonizing one.” I told myself, “When an experience is sluggish and hard, don’t try to force a breakthrough. Just finish it and try again later.

With this reversed rule, I told myself that I didn’t need a great experience during the long meditation session. I even allowed myself to focus only on half of my breath, not the whole: only the exhalation part. I told myself that I had to try again later.

And the moment I stopped demanding peace, the space opened up, my inner peace arrived, and I ended the long meditation session on a high note.

I wanted to share more today … about the Deep Dish Pizza theory, its origin, its wisdom, its absurdity,… about its reverse, … about things I planned to say, that had to entirely leave out today, like Detroit style pizza or exhalation.

I ended last week’s meditation on a high note, but this sharing is different. I cannot force it to be good. I’ll I have to say to end this sharing is that, when the bell rang at the end of last week’s long meditation session, I had a big smile on my face and one thought on my mind: “I need to eat Detroit-style deep dish pizza for lunch.”