By Rona
Sitting in the zendo this morning, with the warmth of the sun on my leg and a cool breeze moving through the room, I am reminded of the simple, lovely gifts of the present moment. Lately, my practice has centered on my physical form—specifically, navigating an aging body and the chronic pain I developed a few years ago. I recently realized that alongside my frustration, I have also been carrying some grief for this changing body of mine. This awareness has shaped my practice, teaching me how to balance determination with acceptance.
What has been most beneficial for me is turning to the Four Abodes, or the Brahmaviharas—what Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh calls the four elements of true love: loving-kindness, compassion, joy, and equanimity. While we often think of these qualities in terms of our relationships with others, I have found them just as essential for cultivating love for myself. After all, I cannot truly offer these gifts to my family, my friends, our community, or Mother Earth if I do not take care of myself first.
Here is how these four qualities have helped me befriend my body:
- Loving-kindness (Maitri): When living with physical discomfort, it is easy to see the body as a failure or even an enemy. Loving-kindness reminds me to silence that inner critic. It allows me to forgive my body’s limitations and treat myself with the same tenderness, warmth, and care that I would offer a dear friend who is hurting.
- Compassion (Karuna): With compassion, I recognize the pain and exhaustion, and even the sadness I feel that comes with a changing body, and know that it’s ok to feel heartbreak about what is happening. It means giving myself permission to rest and learning that I do not always have to push through the pain, resisting our culture’s “no pain, no gain” mentality.
- Joy (Mudita): When pain dominates our attention, it becomes difficult to see what the body is still able to do. Joy reminds me to celebrate my resilience, my strengths, and the small wins—like the progress I see in physical therapy and the daily adjustments I make to ease the discomfort. For me, finding joy in what I can still do is a profound form of gratitude.
- Equanimity (Upekkha): This is the practice of letting go. I am learning to release what I cannot control, including the version of the body I used to have. Equanimity means noticing and easing up on the cravings for how I wish things were. This is not giving up on my desire to improve or heal; rather, it is dropping the mental stories so I can stay grounded and present right here, just as I am.
These four elements of true love continue to be a deep refuge in my daily practice. Thank you for letting me share, and thank you for your deep listening.
Hakone Zendo 