By Ann
I was originally going to talk about something I’ve thought about since Thursday night. But instead, I want to talk about what’s going on right now.
Here is the ego that we all have. It says, “Oh, but no, we should have prepared. We should have had an organized presentation.” And yet, that’s not where I am this morning. And I’m glad.
When we shout the word Mu, I want you to think back for a minute. How do you do that? What voice comes out? What sound, what volume? What uncertainty? Are you one of those who, when the moment comes to shout, is the first one? Or the last one out?
None of them are wrong. That’s just where we are at this minute. And in a way, that’s all we can be.
I’ve had the question this week: What is life? It would be interesting to go around and find out what the responses might be. Someone suggested to me, “Oh, it’s a journey.” That’s good. It is so much more than a journey, and it’s so much less. Life is what’s happening right now. This now, is now, is now. That makes up our life.
I think that’s what meditation helps us to do. It helps us to be aware of where our thoughts are, where our ego is, at this particular moment. But don’t judge. “Oh no, I’m out there solving next week’s problems at work.” We acknowledge it, and then it moves on.
Some say that Zen discipline is really hard. And in some ways, it is—the physicality of it, of how we hold ourselves in any moment. But the reality is the hardest thing, I think, is to be accepting of ourselves.
That is the hardest thing. To be at this particular moment and realize, “I’m being very judgmental about what I’ve seen.” I don’t like to face that because I don’t like that about myself, and yet that is the reality at that particular moment. Just for one breath.
I think that’s all I’ll say.
Hakone Zendo 