By Michael
What I would like to talk about this morning is the intersection of growth and gratitude, and how they have both been showing up for me personally lately.
When I think about growth, I think about a principle called the “growth mindset.” To sum it up, it’s a way of looking at the world that fundamentally changes how you interact with it. Usually, we categorize the world into things we can do and things we cannot do. I cannot dance a ballet; I cannot sing an aria; I cannot tap dance. But the growth mindset suggests that you simply can’t do those things yet.
Maybe I can’t sit in absolute stillness for the full length of Zazen-kai—yet. That framework is important because, over the last few weeks, I’ve found that what we do here in Zazen has directly allowed me to do things in my hobbies that I simply could not do before.
Finding My Breath on the Hill
I enjoy bicycling, but because of my general size, climbing hills has always been a struggle. Usually, the hill beats me psychologically long before I even get there. My head fills with, “I’m not going to be able to do this.”
Recently, I was out on my bike and faced a climb that has always been a problem for me. As I started up, I suddenly heard Kaz’s voice in my head: “Just count your breaths.” Instead of thinking about failing, I started counting. One, two, three, four… The pace was a little accelerated because of the exercise, but I made the ascent. I realized I had been concentrating on the wrong thing; I was beating myself before I even started. By just being with my breath, I got over the top.
The Stillness of the Lens
I saw this again during a photography workshop at Point Lobos. I was trying to capture those “ghost water” images where the waves flow over the rocks. It requires immense patience, timing, and attention.
Previously, my mind would be everywhere: “Do I have this right? Should I check the camera again?” My mind wouldn’t be settled at all, and I could never get the shot. This time, I just sat there. I looked through the viewfinder, breathed, and got into a position much like we do here—mindful and present. My brain wasn’t wandering. I waited for five minutes, which would have felt like an eternity in the past, but I was just there. And I got the shot.
A Moment of Thanks
Neither of these things would have happened if I hadn’t spent this time here with all of you—listening to your stories, your shares, and the instructions we receive.
Growth often comes from odd, unexpected places. When it does, I think it’s important to acknowledge that moment of gratitude. I am very grateful for this practice and for this community.
Hakone Zendo 