By Claudia L
I’ve been coming here for almost a year now. I have heard many of the stories you have all shared, and I can say that, just like many of you, I tried meditation because I needed something to calm my mind.
I was having a lot of thoughts; it felt like a storm of thoughts and feelings at all times. There was a lot of noise, especially at night. I felt confused and overwhelmed, so I gave meditation a try in the hope of finding a way to make them go away.
When I first came, I read the “Ten Phrase Life-Prolonging Kannon Sutra” in English. My initial thought was that there is a huge imbalance between the number of words you read in English and the very few symbols that are supposed to say the same.
At first sight, what I read didn’t make sense to me.
It says: “Thought after thought arises from mind.” “Thought after thought is not separate from mind.”
That was exactly the opposite of what I wanted—I needed my thoughts to separate from my mind, very far away.
Now, after almost a year, I understand what it means, at least for me: thought and mind are one. There is no way to separate them, so instead, we must welcome our thoughts. Especially the “difficult” ones.
So, that is what I started doing during my meditation sessions. In case you haven’t noticed, we have 30 seats in the room, and I use those seats in my mind to organize my thoughts.
In my mind, I am standing right in front of the door, breathing. As my thoughts arise, I see them, I acknowledge them, I name them, and I welcome them in to take a seat, one by one, filling up the room. I am happy to share that I haven’t filled all 30 seats yet.
And when I catch myself hooked on a thought, I remember to zoom out and say: “I’m here in this world. I’m in California. I’m in Saratoga. I’m in Hakone Gardens. I’m in this wooden little house, sitting and listening to the birds on top of the house and the water running below.”
That grounds me again in where I am, and in what I am doing, which is just existing among everything else.
Recently, I began to sense a feeling of calmness, peace, and quiet in my mind, and that makes me very happy. I love peace and quiet.
I value them, and I am grateful for finding them again within me.
Hakone Zendo 