Sesshin

By Ann Meido

A time of contrasts, similar to the picture of the hills around St. Francis Retreat Center in San Juan Bautista that accompany these words where I spent last weekend.
Sesshin: a time of touching or collecting the heart-mind during a period of intensive meditation.

To look closely at the photograph, one sees trees, some bare and some with foliage. The background is less definite, hidden by the morning fog. Such was the experience of sitting in silence, with others, during sesshin…a retreat from the busy and demanding routine where my life finds itself so much of the time… Friday evening to Sunday afternoon, 48 hours, spent in 40-minute segments of zazen, followed by 10 minutes of kinhin, walking meditation….all in silence with only my individual inner self…to wrestle with, to celebrate, to appreciate, to abhor. All these awarenesses arose during the hours, much like the clear focus of the trees in the forefront of the photograph. And there was misty time, less clear of thoughts, hopes fears…..of doing something which I only knew was in accord with my heart-mind…. doing something that was calling me to do more, and of which I was also afraid…of letting go of plans, ideas, thoughts, feelings, and just being quiet and still…trusting in what I did not know or understand. And which at the end of Sunday evening, tired, I knew I was grateful for having been on that sesshin.