By Dongmin
It’s hard to believe, but it’s been an entire year since I started coming here to meditate every Sunday morning. Today I would like to share some reflections, some observations, and something new that I start trying.
When I first came to practice last year, I was desperately looking for something that could give me some peace and calmness in my mind. This place—the peaceful environment and the kind community—made me feel calm and relaxed to reset and restart the week. It has turned into my golden time of the week and I look forward to it every single day.
While I practice, I keep asking myself what do we do exactly here for the 45 minutes? I remember Kaz told me in the new member orientation that the answer was simply, “Sit, focus on breathing, gently bring your mind back if you notice your mind drifting.” Now, after a year of practicing, I think I know a little bit more about how to sit and breathe. There are many times that I don’t get a full 45 minutes of mental break, but I do get 10, 15, or even 20 minutes of an actual break, and that feels great.
The biggest thing I’ve gained through practice is my ability to see clarity. I noticed that other than breathing, I started to observe my thoughts and my brain engagement level. I noticed myself telling my busy brain that “let’s just do breathing here, others can wait till later”. When I walk out, I feel so much lighter, as I have closely observed my thoughts, have this intimate close dialogue with myself, and also prioritized my effort of focusing on myself thru breathing thru coming here on the early Sunday morning.
Recently, life brought a lot of changes. I changed roles at my job, moved to a new place, both kids are in school, etc. For the past few weeks, I noticed that I am having a much harder time focusing on my breathing in the session. I kept asking for advice in the community, and the answers I got are the same: “When your mind wanders, just gently remind yourself and come back.” But I was doing all of that and still having a hard time. Something felt wrong.
Then, last week, I asked for advice again, and the question Ann asked struck me: “Is there something that you can let go?” Someone also asked me, “Are you doing enough to take care of yourself?” I say “ya. I come here every Sunday”. I would also go running, read … .but I had to reduce all that time for myself because of the recent changes in life. I think I am not as balanced on my mental energy as I used to be.
What can I do about it? I need something else to help me cope with the new changes. So I started to write down all the things I was worried about and started to categorize what I didn’t need to waste mental energy on. This is a great exercise to give a space for my brain to download thoughts and it is a great way to help my thoughts get organized and stay clear.
I was also inspired by our Moonlight sessions. I felt much relaxed and anchored for the rest of the week after the mid of the week moonlight session. I thought: What if I do this every day?
Starting last week, I began getting up 15 minutes earlier every morning to sit down in my front yard to practice 10mins of meditation. It is surprisingly helpful. It anchors me down for the day by sending a gentle reminder that I don’t need to wait until Sunday to find this peace; I can just do this right here and right now.
Again, I am deeply grateful for starting this experience, being part of this community, learning all these skills and keep exploring new ways on the zen journey.
Thank you all.
Hakone Zendo 