By Kaz
What does it really mean to care for others?
In Japan, we call it 思いやり (omoiyari)—quiet kindness. From childhood, we’re encouraged to notice what others might need, even before anything is said, and to offer help quietly and sincerely. Over time, this becomes second nature and shapes how we move through the world.
Omoiyari isn’t just simple kindness; it’s the gentle, thoughtful anticipation of another’s needs and responding with genuine care—even without words. For example, you might notice someone with their hands full and open the door for them before they even ask. That is omoiyari.
It isn’t about earning praise or being seen as “good.” Omoiyari is about quietly and sincerely caring for others, simply because we share this space and time together.
Omoiyari in the Zendo
In the zendo, omoiyari is woven into everything we do:
- We line up our shoes neatly at the entrance so the space remains clean and welcoming for everyone.
- When we set up and clean up the zendo, we’re not just caring for a space, but for one another.
- During zazen, we move mindfully, careful not to disturb others in the silence of meditation. And if we must move, we do so gently, so as not to break the calm.
- Arriving on time is an act of respect for the shared rhythm of our group.
In each of these small acts, our care for the zendo becomes care for each other.
Omoiyari in the zendo is often invisible—but always felt.
Bringing Omoiyari Into Daily Life
Of course, when we step outside the zendo, life isn’t always so peaceful. We get busy, worried, annoyed, or tired. In those moments, it’s easy to slip into our own thoughts and overlook those around us.
This is when omoiyari becomes even more important. When someone says something that frustrates you, or you feel stress building up—pause, just for a breath. Before reacting, try to imagine how things might look from their perspective:
- What might they be feeling?
- What might they need right now?
Sometimes, that single pause is enough. You might soften your response, listen more closely, or choose a kind word, even if it takes a little extra effort.
This, too, is omoiyari—stepping outside our own worries for a moment and meeting others with quiet kindness.
It is a practice, just like our meditation: something we bring into each day, both in the zendo and beyond.
Let’s continue to practice omoiyari—quiet kindness—not only here in the zendo, but in each present moment, wherever we are.
Hakone Zendo 